Ben will be three weeks tomorrow. I can't believe it. It felt like I would be pregnant forever. Now I don't remember what my life was like before Ben. He's incredible. We've definitely got a lot to be thankful for this year. Life is really good.
I'm slowly climbing out of my funk. Hopefully, I will know who the heck I am and where I am going from here very, very soon.
Jennifer
Today's my last day at work. I never thought I'd still be pregnant on this day, but I am. I don't feel like everything is done or that I'm ready to leave, but the day is here. Tomorrow, I'll be on maternity leave. I've compared this whole "phase out" period as being similar to being the lame duck President. I can say whatever I want and plan whatever I want, but I won't be here to ensure that it happens my way or even happens at all.
Last night Sam told me how sad it makes him that I'm tired all the time. It makes me sad too. The stress of this job and the pregnancy have really taken a toll on me. I don't even know if I'll be the same person 3 months from now. I don't know if I even want the same things anymore. With Sam I expected life to change because I was going to be a Mom. This time, I expect to change but more in a grown up kind of way. Like I'm having this epiphany of what is truly important in life and how to find balance. Balance has been absent from my life this entire pregnancy. I've focused so much lately on how out of whack my life has become that I've spent very little time thinking about the new person about to come into my life. Everyone, and I did with Sam, experiences this moment of clarity when they first hold their newborn child. Like they know exactly what is right with the World. I can't wait for that moment. I really need that clarity.
So why scare the holy moly out of me at 32 weeks only to be sitting realitively unchanged at 38 weeks?
No signs of impending labor. I've lived through my 3rd night of what I'm assuming is false labor. Two to three hours of irregular contractions that fade out and leave me tired. Any day now right? I've got an appointment tomorrow at 9:45. Hoping that she'll say they've at least been doing something to help the overall progress.
I dropped Sam off at school this morning. He kissed the empty baby seat goodbye. This might turn out to be a lot of fun. Once the labor part is over that is.
So its day 49505695660 of my pregnancy and its not looking that today will be D-day. I know. Technically, I do still have two weeks to go. But I can hope, can't I?
I've given up on walking to speed things along. Ed is certain that its just making me more miserable and not really doing anything. The funny thing is that while I'm walking, I feel better. But as soon as I stop, the pain comes back. And then the next day, I'm even more miserable.
Little guy still has no name. We don't even discuss names at this point. Yesterday, a coworker told me that they no longer let you leave the hospital with an unnamed child. That's pressure I didn't need. Now, I envision us living at the hospital until his first birthday because nothing really hit us as THE name.
So for fun, I asked Sam some questions -
Me - How big are babies when they are born?
Sam - Small
Me - How small?
Sam - This small (holding out his hands and indicating about 6-8 inches in length).
Me - How old are babies when they are born?
Sam - They are zero.
Me - What do babies eat when they are born?
Sam - Mushy carrots and applesauce
Me - What do babies do?
Sam - They sleep and play with baby toys.
Me - Will you hold the baby?
Sam - I'll hold the baby.
Me - What will you do when the baby cries?
Sam - I'll tell you.
He's got this whole baby thing figured out.
Jennifer
Three days until Ed's 40th Birthday. That's my next personal due date. The 13th has come and gone and now I'm focusing on the 20th.
Not much else going on. Still huge, still miserable, still waiting. Still.
Jennifer
October 15th.
We're going to see the Rolling Stones tonight. I've got my fingers crossed that all that fun gets things going. I'd really like to have him on Wednesday or Thursday. Thursday is Ed's 40th birthday.
I've nested and nested and now I'm bored with nesting. In fact, I'm just about bored with everything right now. Bring on the fun. I'm ready.
FULL TERM.
I made it. I wondered some days if I would, but it doesn't matter now because I made it.
Oh and the lovely part? I have morning sickness again. Just one last thing to ensure that I never ever ever ever get pregnant again. I love my son and can't wait to meet my new son, but this is so it. Baby factory closed.
Jennifer
Almost There
So its now the 10th. Wednesday is full term! I was turned loose by the midwife on Friday to do as I please and that's exactly what I did. I promised I wouldn't do any laps around the neighborhood until this week, but I don't have to "take it easy" any longer.
Friday night, I took Sam to his Fall Festival at school. It was rainy and I stood for about 2 and 1/2 hours, but he had a blast. He got his hair painted green and got his face painted. He ran around and got soaking wet and proclaimed that he had a wonderful time.
As expected from my week and the night before, I was then really tired on Saturday. Sam had a game at 11:15 and besides a quick run out to pick up Chinese food, that's about all I did all day.
Sunday, however, was nesting day. Lots of errands and house cleaning. That means I'm totally tired today but my hardwood floors are clean and I have burping cloths.
Ed wants me to wait until Wednesday as he's got a busy day tomorrow. I'm so miserable that if I had to go to the hospital myself I would. I know he wouldn't do that, but did he have to ask me to wait?
Still no name. Today's top contenders - Ethan, William, Jacob. Middle name is either Joseph or Wade. William Joseph maybe?
Tick Tock
I'm 36 weeks - working on 37. Can't wait for this to be over. Its odd to think that we'll have two kids. We've always been "the one child family." Wonder what two is like or will we even notice a difference? We haven't picked a name which is so odd considering Sam was named at 20 weeks. We are in such a different place this time. It is odd. I feel like I have to fake enthusiasm for the well wishers, but it isn't that I'm not excited. It is just different this time.
Sam has lost interest in the whole process. This whole gestation thing is way too long for a 5 year old. Hopefully, he'll re-engage when the baby arrives. I'm sure he will. I pulled out the suitcase over the weekend to pack. He asked where I was going and I explained the process to him in 5 year old terms. He rattled back, "Dad and I will miss you." Um, well, Dad's going too. WHAT?!?! After explaining that he would stay with the beloved Grandma, all was right in his world again. Ed hopes it happens on a Friday so Sam can be with us all weekend and not worry about school. That sounds like a plan since tomorrow is Friday. Wouldn't that be nice?
